This is nothing important.

I truly despise shopping, but perhaps that's only because I never have money to do so.

Or, that the things that I would like to purchase, I see no point in doing just that because I have no place to wear them.

I bought leather leggings the other day. I love the concept of not wearing pants.

I don't really have much on my mind, except that I really want to move to another country.

And I just might do that.

I've realized there is just nothing for me here.
The boy that I loved left. And he's never coming back.
My mother still does not have a job, and it's been 3 months.
I can't find a job here I'd actually go to.
I can't stand most of the people here.

And why just relocate to a different state when I can sell everything I own and make it to another country.

That just makes more sense.

This is my heart breaking.

I find it strange that so many people seem to think that being completely smashed by someone you love somehow makes you a stronger person, makes you unable to feel pain. I believe it makes you a weaker person to the certain person that broke you, and a bitter bitch to everyone else. Especially new people you meet.

Personally, I brought on all of the pain that has been brought to my attention as of the past 2 months. Does that mean that I deserve it? I went about my ways never thinking that they would catch up to me, and yes, that is the first reason that I am Buddhist. But aside from that, how far can one push a certain person before it all just comes crashing down. That's not what I mean at all, I just do not know how to word it.

I think a lot of people confuse love with the feelings of being comfortable with a certain person or thing. Fear seems to make your mind see a lot of things that are not really there, and I’m referring to fear of change. I've gotten to the point where I no longer know what love is, and I really use to think I did. Reflection upon the past can lead to realizations that explain everything.

I was happy before him. I was happy with him. I was miserable with him. I am miserable after him. I am miserable with barely holding on to what we once had. So what does that all mean. How in the world do I go about getting back to being happy before him? You tell me.

This is me not making sense.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if every question you ever had had an answer?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if pain and suffering did not exist, and the world was consumed by happiness?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the sun didn't rise in the east?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to feel so completely lost, as if this world is not where you're meant to be?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be human?