I find it strange that so many people seem to think that being completely smashed by someone you love somehow makes you a stronger person, makes you unable to feel pain. I believe it makes you a weaker person to the certain person that broke you, and a bitter bitch to everyone else. Especially new people you meet.
Personally, I brought on all of the pain that has been brought to my attention as of the past 2 months. Does that mean that I deserve it? I went about my ways never thinking that they would catch up to me, and yes, that is the first reason that I am Buddhist. But aside from that, how far can one push a certain person before it all just comes crashing down. That's not what I mean at all, I just do not know how to word it.
I think a lot of people confuse love with the feelings of being comfortable with a certain person or thing. Fear seems to make your mind see a lot of things that are not really there, and I’m referring to fear of change. I've gotten to the point where I no longer know what love is, and I really use to think I did. Reflection upon the past can lead to realizations that explain everything.
I was happy before him. I was happy with him. I was miserable with him. I am miserable after him. I am miserable with barely holding on to what we once had. So what does that all mean. How in the world do I go about getting back to being happy before him? You tell me.
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